Sometimes you need a good slap in the face. To wake you out of old patterns, and make you realize you should be doing something different. It's hard to guide yourself out of a rut. It's inertia, you keep going in the same direction. When you introduce another player on the field, realties change. Suddenly she puts her foot down and you stumble and fall, out of that old pattern.
Your tendency is to roll back in, and start taking the same track, but then you realize, you have a great opportunity to do something different, change course.

So I have started twittering. And I find it therapeutic. Trying to trace my thoughts, and now there is a way to do that. I find I don't want to share my thoughts, and twitter is a tool that facilitates that. It's the semi-publishing, or maybe pseudo publishing. It seems more real if you save your writing in a database on the net somewhere. I have a blank notebook on my beside table, but instead I'm writing with a keyboard and a laptop in bed. The notebook is dead. Long live MySQL.

I write about tools, but I fail to write. I want to write about something real, and not just feel that it's real. Take Donnie Darko, for instance. That was a real story, and this is the type of real I'm talking about. The unreal.

I feel like I've been wandering through a dungeon, of code. Learning, or trying to learn application development, when I really don't have a head for it, it seems. I make small steps forward. Coding just doesn't seem to be my thing.

My objective is to mold one of these frameworks, to fit a need as I see it, for recording thought. The thoughts are on various topics, or ideas. I want to have a log about thought or work on each idea. And some access controls on these logs and topics, where I can share or keep certain ones private. I know that there are several blogging tools that will fit this need, Heck, there are tools out there that already do this, but I don't think thats the point. It partly an educational experience and maybe just settling on one framework, and seeing the development through needs to happen.

Finally the inspiration hits. Puts things into movement, motivates. Playtime. Doing something that you enjoy. Looking around, and everything seems so fractured and disconnected, but there is a current that connects things. A motto, "Have Fun".

Listening to interviews with Linus lately, you know Linux Linus, he talks about how people should just work on what they are interested in doing. Or that is what people do, whom are successful in developing Free Software projects. There is also the well understood concept of "scratching an itch".

I apply this over to creative work. As a student of the Free Software universe, over the past decade, these developers have informed me and influenced me a great deal. There is also a great deal of creativity involved with these projects. Writing code, is akin to writing poetry, not to mention 'great' writing of either.

When you look back on your life, and remember a younger version of yourself sitting in an abandoned car park, staring at broken pieces of glass, under a starry Texas night sky, thinking what will you be thinking 10, 20, 30 years from now. What will you think about when your idly killing time possibly just sitting somewhere staring up at the night sky, wherever you might happen to be then.